Joke - Infosys Technologies is Confident about its Aviation Software Prototype

A contract was to be given to Indian vendors like Satyam, Wipro and Infosys to build an aviation software by XYZ aviation company. Now XYZ wishes to test the prototype to evaluate all the vendors. Depending on the prototype evaluation, the final vendor selection will be made.

The XYZ CEO has invited all the vendor CEOs to a party and then take all of them to the personal small plane. He also have done another trick. He called the CEOs individually and told them secretly that the plane is going to use the software for the first time, which is provided by their company. That is Infy's CEO was told that the aviation software installed was build by Infy, Satyam's CEO was told the software was build by Satyam, etc. The plane is going to take every CEO from USA main land to Hawaii, including a tea party in air.

After hearing this, all the CEO's except Infy de-boarded from the plane and provided some excuse for some urgent meetings. They were very sure that the prototype software from their company contains bugs.

The XYZ company's CEO was very impressed on Infy's CEO. He was almost to give the deal to Infy. But just before providing the deal he asked, "Ok you are so confident about your aviation software?".

Infosys CEO then told "Yes. I am so confident the plane will not fly at all, so there is no chance of crash."

Source: Srijeeb @ Orkut

Joke - Infosys Interview & Selection Process

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.

Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.

Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!

Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it . What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly in 12th. I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".

(The baap actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you").

So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.

Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments..It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.

Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they! should ban it.

Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.

Candidate: No, no.. I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?

Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST(Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative .

Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?

Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? completing 'lower' education itself was so much of pain!!

Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?

Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms ! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)

Interviewer: And which languages have you used?

Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and ma! ny other languages.

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?

Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?

Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer: What is your general project experience?

Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of the times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?

Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.

Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?

Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I ! know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few
words like -'Showstoppers' , 'hotfixes','SEICMM','quality','versioncontrol','deadlines' , 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?

Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US,Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is a world cup in West Indies in 2007, I don't mind going there in that period . As you can see I am modest and don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our Organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. ..happy :))

We look forward to working with you ..

Welcome to Infosys happy :)

Joke - Infosys Guys and Gals

Written by Infosys Guys:

1. What is the beautiful girl called in Infosys?
A. Visitor.

2. What happens when all the Infosys girls go on a trip to moon?
A. Average beauty of the earth increases and that of moon decreases.

3. What happens when hundred new girls join ?
A. Average beauty of Infosys further decreases.

4. What happens when a Infosys girl has very malignant brain tumor?
A. She will get her knee operated.

5. What happens when two Infosys girls meet generally at fashion show?
A. They will discuss the cause of the two smaller bugs in software.

6. What happens when a Infosys girl contests a fashion show?
A. She will get best possible points in the field of morale boosting.

7. What happens if you present a book named "How to fall in love" to a Infosys girl?
A. She will use it as a mouse pad.

8. When there is a competition in beauty and two Infosys girls participate,it's called a competition.
A. If a Infosys girl and other outside girl competes, its called overconfidence.

9. What happens when two Infosys girls compete for same guy?
A. He will commit suicide.

Quote: Generally 99.9999% of the girls in the world are beautiful, rest are in Infosys

Written by Infosys Girls:

1. What is it when an Infosys-guy is wearing a black t-shirt?
A. It's just a white t-shirt , badly in need of a good washing.

2.What happens when a dirty, smelly sheep and an i.g.(Infosys-guy) enter a room together?
A. The sheep runs out.

3. What happens when an i.g. starts combing his hair?
A. The comb gets lost in his hair.

4.What does an i.g. tell Julia Roberts?
A. Your hair remind me of "sine curves".

5.Where does an i.g. take his girl on the 1st date?
A. Obviously, to the Infosys library.

6.How does an i.g. shine his battery (specs)?
A. With a shoe-shine polish.

7.What do you call a guy wearing shoes in Infosys?
A. A visitor.

8. What happens when some i.g.s go on a trip to U.S.A.?
A. Average cleanliness of INDIA increases, and that of U.S.A decreases.

9.What happens to the 2 ants, 1 falling on an i.g.'s shirt, and other on a visitor's shirt?
A. The 2nd one slips down quickly, while the 1st one gets lost in the mountainous region. (such a crumpled shirt!).

10.How will an i.g. tell his friend "go there"?
A. He will actually GO there and say,"come here".

11.What happens when an i.g. falls in love?
A. He starts finding out the depth to which he's fallen, with the velocity and time of falling in love known to him.

12. What does an i.g. comment about a v. pretty girl?
A. "Non existing function of beauty".

13. What happens when an i.g. proceeds with a suitcase to his home-town?
A. On reaching home, realizes that his suitcase is missing.

14. What happens when an i.g. is attending a wedding?
A. He starts developing a software to find out how many people attended the marriage and how many didn't.

Quote: 0.0001% of the garbage on earth is outside Infosys and the remaining 99.9999% is in Infosys.

Joke - Elephant and Infosys, Wipro & TCS Folks

Another email forward.

One day, three consultants, one from Wipro, one from Infosys and one from TCS, went together for a walk. They were old buddies from b-school, and they were joining together to remember the tough old days they went as students together.

For no apparent reasons, they went into this zoo an passed an elephant.Having worked in the same field and from the same school, of course there is a little bit of peer competition going on between themselves, so when he saw this elephant, an idea clicked the Infosys guy, he said to the others ' Why don't we prove who are the best among ourselves?'. The other two, of course, agreed.

Then the Infoscion said 'Let's make a test. Whoever can make this elephant to laugh, he works for the best firm'.

After they all agreed, they started. Being a pure logical strategist, the Infoscion tried to make the elephant laugh by telling jokes. Of course it stayed still... As a more practical consultant, the Wipro guy tried to make funny gestures... and the elephant still stayed still.... Now, comes the TCS guy.. Being the practical guy he was always told to be, he whispered something to the elephant, and it laughed at him while pointing its fingers to him...

The other two were astonished. How come this TCS guy be able to beat them? So the Wipro guy said 'OK, let's make another test. Let's make this elephant cry !!'. So there they went again, practicing the same method as before. The Infosys guy told sad sad stories, the Wipro guy made sad gestures, and they fail again......

Then, the TCS guy whispered something again to the elephant's ear and it just cried, weeping.....and patting the TCS guy's shoulder.
This cannot be, thought the other two. So the Infoscion said 'OK, you've won twice. If you can win this test, we will bow to you. Let's make this elephant run'.

He went and bark to the elephant orders to run. Of course, it stayed still .... The Wipro guy pushes the elephant and stab it with stake to make it run, it stayed still. So...our TCS guy come to it and whispered something again to it's ear and the elephant run and run as fast as it could, as if it was scared to death.

The other two surrendered. They say 'OK, you're the best pal. You work for a very good firm, tell us your secret'.

'Well' said the TCS guy, 'the first time I made it laugh, I said I work for TCS'.

' When I made it cry as if it were very sad and patted me, I told the elephant how much I get paid'.

' And when I made it run scared to death, I said to it, Why don't you join TCS?'

Joke - About Infosys Guys

An email forward, enjoy the joke!

1. What is it when an Infosys-guy is wearing a black T-Shirt?

Ans: It's just a white T-Shirt , badly in need of a good washing.

2.What happens when a dirty, smelly sheep and an Infosys Guy(Infosys-guy) enter a room together?

Ans: The sheep runs out.

3. What happens when an Infosys Guy starts combing his hair?

Ans: The comb gets lost in his hair.

4.What does an Infosys Guy tell julia roberts?

Ans: Your hair remind me of "sine curves".

5.Where does an Infosys Guy take his girl on the 1st date?

Ans: Obviously, to the Infosys library.

6.How does an Infosys Guy shine his battery (spectacles)?

Ans: With a shoe-shine polish.

7.What do you call a guy wearing shoes in Infosys?

Ans: visitor.

8. What happens when some Infosys Guys go on a trip to U.S.A.?

Ans: Average cleanliness of INDIA increases, and that of U.S.A decreases.

9.How will an Infosys Guy tell his friend "go there"?

Ans: He will actually GO there and say,"come here".

10. What happens when an Infosys Guy falls in love?

Ans: He starts finding out the depth to which he's fallen, with the velocity and time of falling in love known to him.

11. What does an Infosys Guy comment about av. pretty girl?

Ans: "non existing function of beauty".

12. What happens when an Infosys Guy proceeds with a suitcase to his home-town?

Ans: On reaching home, realizes that his suitcase is empty.

13. What happens when an Infosys Guy is attending a wedding?

Ans: He starts developing a software to find out how many people attended the marriage and how many didn't.